I woke up this morning and found out that one of my oldest friends, my first real ‘best friend’ had passed away. I’ll admit I wasn’t shocked. Between my 3rd rate psychic ability and the melanomas, I had sort of come to terms with the fact that it was going to happen.
But I prayed to gods I don’t believe in anyway because the thought of her not being around in years to come is strange and horrible.
She was the kind of friend that opened her arms to everyone and made me feel a little bit less of a loser when I was hopeless at sport. She taught me to kick a football and played ‘Saddleclub’ on the oval feeding all the mowed grass to our horses Belle and Comanche.
When we made the shift to highschool, our friendship distanced and not because of fighting or anything awful. But because we had some growing up to do and needed the space to do it. But we were always friendly, always.
Sometimes life takes really good people away from the world, and we don’t know why it happens but it just does. And cancer in my town is more prevalent than the flu in winter so it’s something I’m going to be dealing with for a very long time.
They have books on dealing with loss, and grief and everything that is supposed to happen to you when someone you care about takes their rocket ship to heaven. But the truth is that it takes time and understanding, first to come to terms with exactly what has happened, then to believe it is a reality. Then to deal with it.
I’m trying really hard to think of all the good times and avoid looking at the posts on her webpage because seeing all those people feeling chewed up inside is making me want to vomit. But I’m not sad yet. That will probably happen next week, in the middle of my exam and I’ll just start blubbering all over the table.
See the important thing when it comes to dealing with anything rubbish in life is giving it time to sink in and time to pass. Allow people to help and comfort you. Don’t tell them not to talk about it because it hurts, or it’s worry-some. Instead take on board that they are probably feeling much the same as you right now. This goes for death, pregnancy and school tests.
The crazy thing is life is not doing this to you for a laugh. It happened because someone, somewhere decided that was the plan and you are just witnessing it all roll out. I hope you are doing okay, keep your chin up.
Because their will be lemonade waiting on the other side of the line.